Joyful

Do I have joy in my heart? Do people feel joyful around me? What brings me joy? There are things that bring me joy, but at the same time they bring tears to my eyes. I am a very emotional person. Anything can make me cry.

I have been very busy recently and along the way I lost my joy. Where did it go? I didn’t notice but someone else did and pointed it out to me. So I had to stop and think for a long while where I had left my joy. Do I leave her under my pillow when I get up in the morning. Maybe she is under my car but then I drive over her.

Where is my joy? Where did she go?

She never went anywhere…she was always with me I just tucked her away at the back of my mind, telling her that I do not have time for that right now. No time to feel, no time to feel joyful. But really what makes me so human is my ability to feel and express emotions, and if I put that at the bottom of my list, then what do I live for? What am I becoming? How can others feel joyful around me if I can’t be joyful?

Henri Nouwen says, “The reward of choosing joy is joy itself.”