Life

This is something that I have resisted to write…maybe because it feels so real or there are so many emotions involved that I didn’t feel brave enough to explore it all.

But, here I am…writing…writing it down, maybe in the process of writing it down things might start to make more sense.

I was talking to Auntie Melissa recently and I told her, “I think I am finally understanding what life as an adult is like”. I cannot remember what her reply to that was or if she ever even said anything. Life recently has been filled with emotions different kinds of emotions.

The complexity of human emotions. The real definition of what we call ‘mixed feelings’. Maybe I have finally concretely experienced it.

I consider myself  a very emotional person. I feel my emotions very deeply…if I reach out I can hold some of it in my hand. But then there are times when I need to feel an emotion and all of a sudden I am stumped. Asking  myself what is wrong with me? Am I becoming an unfeeling person?

I decided to do a deep dive into finding a reason why. Maybe I can find an answer to my question.

And I did and it makes a lot of sense. When you feel so many emotions at the same time, your brain goes into a confused state which leads it to choosing nothing instead of choosing everything. So, then you are left with feeling nothing. I  actually had this conversation with Brandt and he brought up a valid point of “the fact that you are worried about not feeling emotion or not enough emotion that is actually enough because you are in the right direction”.

This Blog is all over the place but then I guess life is often that way.

Love, Abigael